Todd Jones, "relief" pitcher. A career barely alive. Gentleman, we can rebuild him, and by "rebuild" I mean "keep him around until Zumaya recovers from surgery." We have the technology, and by "technology" I mean "tubs of BenGay ointment." We have the capability to build the world's first "relief" pitcher, and by "'relief' pitcher' I mean someone who will give our fans ulcers. Todd Jones will be that man. (Note that that's NOT to say that Todd Jones will be THE man.) Better than he was before, by which I mean that he's been watching videos on how to throw a curveball. Better. Stronger. Faster (you know, his fastball will now exceed 85 mph).
Shoot me now.